Photographs courtesy of Dorna - click to enlarge

Those of you who are, um, of a certain age will recognise the title as that of a well known BBC Radio comedy from, well from before I was born. My Dad told me all about it. And you'll no doubt immediately put two and two together to comfortably jump to the bottom of the page, knowing the result already.

But as for the rest of you, well you'll just have to read on in the hope that enlightenment will come your way.

Sachsenring isn't the most popular circuit on the calendar. It's tight and twisty, and has been accused of being rather light on facilities having only gained permanent pit garages in 2003. But the area has a rich history of racing, with the streets around the nearby town of Chemnitz being common from the 1920s and the illustrious MZ factory being based just down the road. Still, Germany marks the beginning of a four race spell of locations which Dr Rossi doesn't like. Which could turn out rather well for the championship, at least allowing the rest of the field to close the gap a little.

Qualifying turned out to be a pleasant birthday treat for none other than Nicky Hayden. The just 24 year old American scorched through the field to take an emphatic lead over similarly mounted Sete Gibernau who, no doubt, was hoping to exorcise the demons of his last visit here which saw him chewing gravel a few laps in. Alex Barros, pushing hard, crashed not once, but twice in practice managed to make that up the three times during the qualifying sessions, missing out on an attempt at challenging for pole but still making the front row. Valentino Rossi looked, for once, as though he really wasn't having a good time, struggling to thirteenth on the grid in practice before pulling out a last minute flyer to head up the second row with Marco Melandri and Max Biaggi snapping at his heels. Kenny Robert Junior, fresh from a fabulous weekend at Donington, headed the leaderboard for a while before dropping back, ending up behind Loris Capirossi and Colin Edwards on the third row. John Hopkins broke his foot in a high speed getoff but still managed to come in tenth. Sachsenring doesn't seem to suit the American rider, who last year had the delights of an allergic reaction to a wasp sting to contend with. Carlos Checa, meanwhile, had what may well qualify as the biggest nastiest crash of the season, with an enormous highside that saw him flung way into the air at the notorious turn twelve - a fast right-hander. Tough guy that he is, though, the Spaniard ran back to the pits and was out on his spare bike in the same session, qualifying eleventh. And what of the rest? Well Troy Bayliss had a truly grim session, ending up languishing back in sixteenth, a full second down on his team-mate Barros. Makoto Tamada fared little better, just one place ahead, the pair of them comprehensively outgunned by the Kawasakis of Nakano, Hofmann and Jacques. Shakey Byrne for once was out qualified by fellow Brit James Ellison. Ellison put the WCM on the grid in nineteenth while Byrne couldn't better twenty-first.

So. Race day. Dry, warm, pretty well perfect racing weather. When the lights went out, several things happened. Everyone shot off from the line. No surprise there, then - it's a race after all. Next surprise was not that Nicky Hayden took or, I suppose, that Valentino Rossi came through from the second row to take second place. No, the big surprise was that Shakey Byrne seemingly got the drop on everyone, scorching through the field to arrive at the first turn in front of Kawasaki pilots Hofmann and Jacques. Unfortunately, his progress through the field was a little faster than his guardian angel was able to fly. Outbraking himself into the first bend, Shakey bit the dust and in the resulting melee Jacques collected Hofmann and off they all went into the gravel. No injuries but a few red faces and probably a little bit of fruity language as well.

Alex Barros established himself firmly in third place with Gibernau passing Capirossi for fourth on the second lap. Campfire fell back further, being overwhelmed by the marauding Melandri while Edwards and Biaggi closed as well when the red flags came out. After five laps, John Hopkins' broken foot had robbed him of some sensitivity and he accidentally hit the quickshifter mid-corner, triggering a huge highside and leaving him and his bike laid out in the middle of the track. So everyone went back to the pits while the wreckage was removed. Hopkins' foot was now fully broken so it's fortunate indeed that there is a four week layoff before the next race.

Come the restart and everything went off pretty well as expected. Hayden got the holeshot again, leading for two laps before being passed, first by Rossi and then a back on form Gibernau who straight away took the lead and reeled off a stunning string of laps that very few people could match. Twelve laps in and Hayden, running right up there with the leaders, snuck past Rossi and made it stick, holding the champion off for six more laps before conceding the place. And that's how it stayed. Gibernau managing to fend off Rossi who in turn was keeping Hayden behind him. Right up until the first bend of the last lap. Gibernau made a slight mistake, braking just too late and running wide. Not something you want to do if you're planning on staying ahead of Valentino Rossi. The Doctor accepted the invitation and dived through, taking the win by just half a second. Hayden crossed the line a few tenths later for a well earned third. A couple of seconds further back the race long battle between Biaggi and Barros was decided in the Italian's favour just three laps from the end, while Shinya Nakano rode well to get the big and not particularly well behaved Kawasaki into sixth. Marco Melandri and Colin Edwards fought all through the race as well, Melandri coming out on top this time. Loris Capirossi was the fastest man out there for a while before being ousted by Gibernau, but the ferocious power of the Ducati was, as is often the case, too much for the tyres and he dropped back to an credible but disappointing ninth ahead of Makoto Tamada.

Bayliss didn't restart, having crashed out in the earlier session, while Kenny Roberts Junior finished a lonely eleventh, fifteen seconds adrift of Tamada. James Ellison retired in the first session, the WCM expiring, and Carlos Checa lost the front while pushing hard to catch Melandri and parked the Ducati in the gravel trap.

There's a four week break now, and the riders have earned it. Traditionally some come back fired up and motivated and some lose the plot completely. There'll be plenty of technical improvements and there's little doubt that the bikes will be even quicker when we reconvene at Brno on 28th August. Just seven rounds to go, and although second place is, quite literally, anybody's, surely Rossi has yet another title in the bag now.

Oh and ITMA? Like I said, a radio show starring Tommy Handley. It's That Man Again. Surely what the rest of the pack say or think when Rossi pulls yet another impossibly fast lap out of nowhere...

Results

1 V Rossi, Yamaha
2 S Gibernau, Honda
3 N Hayden, Honda
4 M Biaggi, Honda
5 A Barros, Honda
6 S Nakano, Kawasaki
7 M Melandri, Honda
8 C Edwards, Yamaha
9 L Capirossi, Ducati
10 M Tamada, Honda

Championship Standing after 10 rounds

236 V Rossi
116 M Melandri
115 S Gibernau
114 C Edwards
113 M Biaggi
101 A Barros
101 N Hayden
72 L Capirossi
65 S Nakano
51 C Checa